Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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