Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize