go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
