I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
