it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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