It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
