I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
