I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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