I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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