omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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