Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
