He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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