is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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