What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
