You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
