he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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