im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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