ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Every concussion has its silver lining
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
