I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
