my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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