i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
As shirtless as possible
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
