It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
