We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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