Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
