I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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