the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
