Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
