walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
