I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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