How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize