I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
