That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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