I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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