He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A+ Viking dick
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize