I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
