So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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