So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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