just come out here and I will go home with you...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had sex on a roof
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
