My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
