WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
