KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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