Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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