If i come over, it means nothing
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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