I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
