mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
