I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
