i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
