epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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