Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
