Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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