What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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