On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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