my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize