So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
