I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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