Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
