I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
barbara walters just said penis...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
