Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
