one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
