Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
