I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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