omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize