the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
