u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
