What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
