If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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