My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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