You're my little dorito
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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