3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
