I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
