If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
