The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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