I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
