So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
