Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
