Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
